Critical point

Topic: Family / Divorce
Cooling-off period as intrinsic to any marriage, as well as the infamous honeymoon. After them, we renewed we see in the unity and strength of his family. But it is, alas, not always. Not every marriage can safely get out of the next "dead loop" of alienation, loneliness, quarrels, and alone. How to identify and prevent the critical point, approaching which threatens the destruction of marriage?

Family consultants with experience are able to just a few minutes to determine whether the marriage of their clients to the collapse or in their family life began regular, but not the last "black stripe". Here are some of the criteria by which you yourself can determine the degree of closeness to divorce and to take measures to abrupt change of course.

1. You are not aware of his affairs.

When was the last time your husband told you about his relationship with colleagues? And when the last time you did not let this story go in one ear? You can not even remember this?

When his wife (or one of them) becomes unresponsive daily life of another, his small daily joys and sorrows, it's bad. Even if your partner is not used to spread news of the day from the threshold, ask how was your day. Not formally, not hearing an answer, but sincerely. Not interested? And you try to imagine that watching a regular TV series, in which the events in the circle of the same people unfold day by day. Believe me, soon you will be attracted and will look forward to "a new series," and your husband decides that you are deeply sympathizes with his concerns.

2. Your relationships have lost their affection and sexual etiquette.

He did not hurry to open your car door or shake hands when leaving the bus? And when you do the last time gently ruffled his hair and playfully tickled her under the ribs? If the spouses have disappeared desire to touch each other for no reason, whispering all sorts of nonsense and flirting with friends, then broken intercom, so the thread that connects them to the crowd. Try to resume this relationship the same way. Take him by the arm, rub her nose against her cheek and show affection in any other way. Remember: for sure at the beginning of your relationship you have had some kind of its own, intimate ways to say about their love without words.

3. You embarrassed to dance with her own husband?

You will not even funny to put his hands on his shoulders and look into his eyes, and he awkwardly hugged your waist, comes to his feet and tense? This happens when a romantic relationship has long rested in the Bose. Alas, if you had your body fit each other like two detalki designer, but now you feel discomfort. The blame for this is not the body, and soul. You need to urgently strengthen the number of physical contacts with her husband. This is not about sex, but about everyday life. Take your arm and watching TV in the arms, put his head on his shoulder, holding hands. Let your body get used again to each other and remember it is a joint feeling of comfort.

4. You no longer think about the future together?

In your plans and virtually no cases of joint, even if all your thoughts are directed to the benefit of the family? Are you going to go with your child at sea, and he at this time - to make repairs. You prefer to take a vacation in the summer, and he - in the spring. You save up money for a new coat, and he - on the car, etc., your distinct plans you subconsciously teach yourself to independence and sly likvidiruete moments interdependence. You is not difficult to divide the property in his mind (that I bought, and this - you), and responsibilities for the upbringing of the child (I have - on weekdays, you have - on the weekends).

Need to change plans! Even if you are sure that it is more convenient, more profitable and more sensible to divide responsibilities and do, throw his rationalism and do everything together. Let it not be so quickly, efficiently and conveniently. The main thing - to do or will do something together. Even the inevitable criticism of the mutual beneficial for the sense of unity than the activity on the principle of "not interfering with each other."

But as for the rest and say nothing: all the positive emotions, new experiences, pleasant idleness during the rest must necessarily be associated in the memories of the personality of the spouse. Remember, it is the joint moments of happiness seal family. (As unhappiness moments, but this therapy I would not advise.)

5. You do not have common hobbies?

This situation between husband and wife - not a rarity. You are married to a great love, a little studied lover or at least not giving his life a great value. But with the passage of life have found their own tastes, ideas and priorities. And your husband - his own. Not the fact that they will coincide, in fact develops the effect on people has a greater degree of his professional activities, rather than family life. So you within five to ten years of marriage may be surprised to discover that living with someone with a completely unacceptable for you to conception of life. He naplevatelski relates to health, and you're passionate about vegetarianism and yoga, he is an avid mushroom hunter, and you can spend hours digging in the garden, he likes to spend vacation with a fishing rod on the river, and you dream of faraway countries. It comes to the fact that spouses have to cook different dishes, go to bed at different times and for a long time to argue about the plans for the weekend.

Try at all costs to find common ground. Look for a common hobby or try to share his passion. By the way, even completely idiotic occupation by which he is engaged to spite you from morning till night, it might be interesting and even exciting, if you will overcome its disdain and take them yourself. Many women passionately collect designs from matches, udyat fish breeding aquarium fish (or whatever it is?), Go canoeing and cheer for racers of Formula 1. However, you can twist to involve the spouse in your own hobbies. A man who absolutely does not believe in salutary effect of yoga, can stand for hours with you in the daunting position just on the dispute. And who does not think of happiness without spinning, Bring in your coveted exotic countries, promising a luxurious underwater hunting, fishing sharks dumplings or freight on a fishing trawler.

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Eliminating all of these signaling aspects of your married life will require a voltage is from you. Man in principle not able to analyze their family life, much less to predict its imminent collapse. So think about the future and take action have you. After all, you want to save your marriage? And if not, then the strain is not worth it. Calmly go down stream: divorce is not far off.